Thursday, April 15, 2010


Dear U.S. Air Force,

I was talking with a friend today who finally he has had enough and has discarded his bond of indenture-hood and retire from work. We talked of decisions we had made and how we were living with those choices. Yes there are choices we wish we made made differently, but even the negative results of those choices have had a profound effect on shaping us into who we are today.

I may have never escaped the endless line of dead-end jobs that stalked me in Alexandria, Louisiana after my high school graduation had my father not decided to make a career out of the Air Force. I was exposed to a possible escape from middle America drudgery and knew that the world is larger than the next town over or cow tipping session. I joined the Air Force with the full intention of living in as many different places as my vocations would allow. Star eyed and packing too much luggage, I plunged neck deep into a world I thought I knew and was totally unprepared for.


I loved basic training. I craved the discipline. Not that my parents were not good parents, they were the best I had ever had up to that point in my life, but the Air Force provided something I am not sure they could have. The Air Force forced me to adapt or break and they did this without compassion. My parents could never sit by while I struggled physically or mentally with a problem, they love me too much. The Air Force did not care about my feelings, only my results. I needed that kick in my pants to help me decide if I wanted to grow up or stay perpetually young, stupid, and naive. I thought I rose to the challenge. I beat basic training. I beat that wonderfully awful place with style. We were physically superior, our Confidence course results beat every other Flights results hands down. We had more marksmen than any other Flight on the gun range. Ours was the only dorm not infiltrated by the infamous "Spy-Guy." Our Flight got top marks, graduated Honor Flight, and only had to do KP once. We kicked ass .... everyone's ass.

Then I went to Tech School to become a Circuit and Data Equipment specialist, aka ... the phone-guy. I liked my job. I didn't have a problem with heights so gaffing poles was fun for me. I took to mechanical and electronic telephone key systems like a duck to water. We had fun at our squadron, we bombed the neighboring squadron with water balloons from 50 yards away, and we watched Fern Gully every weekend. Life was good.

Then I got my orders. Barksdale, AFB. What? No. Please no! I faithfully filled my dream sheet to capacity with exotic destinations like anywhere Europe, Australia, anywhere Asia, Hawaii, and friggin' Iceland for the love of all that's holy! I GOT BARKSDALE! UGH!! I went through all that work, pain, sweat, tears, and drill instructors bad breath only to wind up ONE HOUR from HOME!!

I was not in purgatory, I was in the ninth circle of Hell ... I had pissed off God and he was getting back at me ... the jerk. Barksdale ..... ugh, ugh, UGH!!!

Then life got .... not so good. I had been assigned to a squadron full of people I had nothing in common with. I didn't drink alcohol, that's all they drank. I didn't really enjoy nightclubs, they lived for them. I didn't like crawfish .... and how in the world did they keep finding all those damn mud-bugs for the crawfish boil they had EVERY FRIGGIN' weekend!!

I lost faith. I lost faith in God for sending me to that hell-on-earth. I lost faith in my fellow man because everywhere I looked a new example of debauchery smacked me in my face. I lost faith in myself and I gave up. I gave up trying to live. I overslept all the time. I never cleaned my room and failed every inspection. I did not keep myself in physical shape and failed those tests as well. I became a physically empty husk of a boy trying to fool everyone around me and failing miserably. My sponsor got frustrated with me and gave up, as did my Sergent, and the Lieutenant. However, a enterprising NCO gave me an opportunity to get out. I didn't understand the implications. I would lose honor. I would become failure incarnate. I did not care. So, after only two years of a four year commitment, I left with a 'General under other than honorable conditions discharge'. Well, I was free and homeless .... at least I got to moon the Air Force as I left.


Did I mention the one bright spot of my life at that time? These beautiful women to the left are my wife and her sisters. The dark haired siren on the far left is Jenny, the breath of fresh air in the middle is Liz, and the goddess lighting the world on the right is Cheri. Cheri. Cheri is the one thing that kept me sane. Towards the end of by disastrous short-lived career int he Air Force, I focused on her so I could make through the day. I met her at a church function and she was so disturbed by my youthful stupidity, she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence for about a year. Then a real piece of crap, who I thought was a friend, set us up on a date by lying to us saying that the other was asking around about the other. Confused? That lying piece of sewer flotsam told her I was asking about her and told me she was asking about me. After our first date I never had a second thought, Cheri might have but I never did, I was going to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful person. After several dates and attempts at proving I was not as insane as she remembered from our first encounter, I thought she was falling in love with me. Me. A wreck with no discernible future beyond door-to-door sales. Hmmm. Maybe I didn't have a monopoly on insane.

I used my Air Force training to land a job installing collect call telephone systems in prisons. It was more than a broken and stupid little boy like myself should have gotten, but I was blessed. The job paid well and allowed me to rebuild and recollect myself for the future I was hoping for with Cheri. After some time and work, I was blessed by the angel sent to me when she agreed to marry this foolish and weak little boy. That was 14 years, a lot of growing up, two children (one more on the way), a plethora of jobs, three states, and a flurry of college classes. Cheri is a stay at home mom with money making projects she enjoys doing. I work at a place that is easy for me to excel at and provides the best insurance I've ever seen (they paid $1500.00 per eye for Lasik surgery, unheard of in the insurance community). My daughter is ahead one grade and my boy is about to join school. I cannot imagine a happier existence, unless one includes winning the lottery or figuring out how to solve world hunger.

I owe you U.S. Air Force. I owe you an apology. I apologize for failing you. I apologize I was not strong enough to make your investment worthwhile. I apologize for making the lives of the Airmen, NCO's, and Officers in my squadron. They were only trying to help me and I stabbed them in the back and mooned them for their efforts.


I also owe you for who I am. I owe you for the insight you gave me of my own weaknesses I would not acknowledge before. I owe you for introducing me to my wife. I owe you for the resulting children we have had together. I owe you for the experiences you helped give me that has made me the man I am today. Without you, U.S. Air Force, I would have never achieved the degree of success I currently enjoy. For all this I thank you. I thank you with every fiber of my being. I hope that in some small way an opportunity to return the favor arises and I will have the courage to grasp that opportunity and make good on my previous failures.

I have found that life is full of regrets. I regret that I let my son play with mu xbox controller. I regret that I wasn't watching where I was going and broke my truck on a curb. I regret some previous failures and sometimes I regret previous triumphs. However, I have also learned that regrets are best used as tools and not subjects of brooding sessions. Regrets can destroy as well as any well placed point blank shotgun blast the the cranium. Use regrets to influence current decisions with the future firmly ensconced in your minds eye. As history shows, those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat the past. I sincerely hope that you can use your experience to enhance lives around you, which in turn can have a positive affect on your life and make life worth living.


Cordially with hope,
Sam

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