Dear Mr. iTouch,

Damn you. Damn you to Hades. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your testicles and then damn you to Hades. I hate you Apple. I hate that you make such a clean product. I hate that you are so damned innovative. I hate that you take a simple concept and revolutionize the marketplace. I hate that I bought a iTouch and that I love the infernal device.

You know what I hate more than all that? I hate that my brother was right. The Scooby look-a-like sibling from another planet will be insufferable now. Thank you so very much Mr. Jobs for making my life a miserable hell on Google Earth. Our family know that my brother is sure that Bill Gates is the devil incarnate and Steve Jobs is the Messiah descended to Earth. This hellish admission on my part will only serve to reinforce his delusions and suck the air from my arguments. ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!

Damn you to Hell Mr. iTouch. Damn you for being so awesome.

Spitefully yours,

Sam