Wow. It's been quite a while. I think I've figured out some of my issues. Maybe not, but at least I can work towards something to help my state of mind. See. I've been a real bastard here lately. Moody. Grumpy. Jerk. All good descriptions of how I've been acting around my family and friends. I've found I don't handle an uncertain future very well. My wife and I have two children, one 11 and one 4, and we have another one due in November. My wife is not working. So the only source of reliable income is mine and that isn't saying much. I ma not sure how I will be able to support a family of 5 without changing everything and turning our lives upside down.

This is where my troubles are centered. I can stave off some the anger by taking about 6 hours to myself and escaping to a alternate reality with the gaming group I play with, but reality is always lurking, ready to pounce once I leave the bliss of the other world. The lack of knowledge on how to handle this eats and my mind, frays the edges, and snaps when tested. Unfortunately, my children are at just the right ages to really test my limits and I am failing to keep a civil tongue with them. My wife is a little obsessive about aspect of our lives that are inconsequential when compared to our problems, like being able to feed the children and put gas in the vehicles.

I fear that to best serve my family, I will just have to change to paradigm we live in. I do not want to move but if I have to to feed my family, then so be it. There is a glimmer at the end of the tunnel, and I hope it isn't a freight train. I am supposed to be have an interview for a new position where I work. If this pans out, then the step forward will support my long-term goals of becoming a college teacher. If it doesn't pan out, then all hell may break loose in our home. I pray for a resolution. I pray for a good resolution.